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Tuesday, May 15, 2007

My LiFe iS FlaShINg BeFOrE mY eYEs...


Shinylocks found a map beside the wise ol' oak tree...it was a map to her playmate...she brought along a heart-shaped cookie for them to share. As she was walking the marked tracks as shown on the map, she suddenly tripped and the cookie broke in half...


I failed a lot of subjects...I have never failed this many subjects...now I just feel so...worthless...stupid...mortal...useless...cannot be thrusted upon hope by anyone...I disappoint mum...I disappoint my family...I disappoint myself...now, I am nothing...


As I've said...I beat myself up...that's how I remember that I'm human...that's the only way I could get a motivation, even if it has to end up with me abusing myself emotionally...Don't give a damn coz I've done this for many many years...I'd seem like a crackpot from this point of view, but if I don't do this, noone will...


I hate myself for letting myself go...I hate myself for being ignorantly over-confident...I hate feeling useless...I hate feeling vulnerable...I hate feeling like I know nothing...If I know nothing, I'm obsolete...my motivation to continue my life is also because I know something is going on in this world...Others might say, "If SA1 you didn't do well, you still have CA2 and SA2 to go...just make sure that June holidays you use the time to study...blah blah blah..." (no offence to those who did that...appreciated reli but I got sick and tired of that ever since I could talk back...)<3


Seriously, I think this problems came from me not having motivation from the people whom I used to look up to...there's still a glimmer of hope in my heart that you'll be there for me...I'm opening my arms reli wide...I just hope you could see that in time before you completely lose me...


I'm broken...can't you see?

-azri
9:14 PM